Wild & Witty Copywriting

Entertain. Engage. Egg your competition.

(I heard they love eggs, anyway. 😉)

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Are you busy perusing the internet for a copywriter? 

Yes? Great. You found one. 

(No? Not sure how you ended up here, bud, but I’m glad you made it. Welcome to the party.)

In your aforementioned perusal, have you noticed that all copywriters, well, they… kinda sound… the same? 

Yes? I know I hear it, too. Or I read it, too, I guess. 

And no offense to those copywriters! They do a damn good job, most of them, probably. 

But, in the end, you haven’t click clacked on their shiny “Book Your Free Consultation Now” buttons because something wasn’t smelling right. (Jenna brought tuna for lunch again, didn’t she. Yugh.) 

Fact of the matter is, those aforementioned copywriters, bless their hearts, well, they sound… a little bit… boring

The corner of a quirky, vintage office with an old TV in the corner, geometric artwork on the wall, and files on a wooden desk.

So, you’re busy looking for a not-boring copywriter.  

In the meantime you’ve hired your nephew Derek to try to write your blogs and sales pages and everything else you need. But he’s only using ChatGPT to spit out punny garbage so why are you paying him again?

Blood is thicker than water. But damn. 

Hate to break it to you, but I’m not your nephew Derek. As it turns out, I’m not one of them other copywriters, either. 

An indoor jungle of big plant leaves with a small hand peaking out of the middle giving a thumbs up.

My name’s Simona. I’m an unapologetic, irreverent, wild, witty copywriter. 

I can also be fancy and technical. A chameleon quality.  

Either way, I’m here to make you stand out, which gets you business. And I do that by making my writing sound like you.  

Ready to get started? Check out my offers below. I’ll call Derek and tell him the news. 

A quirky smiley face made out of various objects, looking cheekily over a pair of sunglasses.

My Offers, My Darlings

Website Copy

Like the stuff you’re reading right now. Bulk up your pages, get picked up by Google, get more eyeballs on your business.

Starting at $350 for 1,000 words-ish.

Landing Pages

A neat lil’ page that makes readers froth at the mouth and buy your stuff. Big cha-ching items need more words, lil’ cha-ching items need just a couple.

My pricing varies accordingly. 

Blogs

Blogaroos with juicy keywords and juicier information. Mmm, the smell of well-researched writing in the morning. Your clients love it.

Starting at $250 for 1,000 words-ish.

Email Sequences

A strategic sequence of emails with words straight from your brain to my writing to your client’s inbox and then back into money in your pocket.

Starting at $75/email but we’ll need a couple to get the job done.

Social Media Ads

You know ‘em, you hate ‘em, but damn, do you love to click on ‘em. Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn – you name it, I write it, your client clicks on it.

Starting at $50/ad but you’ll probably want a couple.

Add Ons & Other

Anything else tickle your fancy? Drop me a whistle, and I’ll add it to my list. 

Plus I’m into BDSM. Bundle Deals SEO Monthly retainers, obviously. 

Write it grab it click it want it

Write it grab it click it want it

A person with dark brown hair and a black sweater lays face down in a lawn of overgrown grass. Their hands are extended upwards so they look a little like a sleepy superman.

Fun and witty copywriting makes your ideal clients relate to you, like you, and buy from you.

It’s called building rapport with a loving client base, sweetie. I’m here to hook you up.

You nearly got me.

But why do I need a copywriter, anyway?

You don’t.

You’ve got Stacy, who studied English in college, and there’s a literal online robot that can pump out words faster than you can think of them. 

So if you’re on the fence, get Stacy to team up with the robot and see what kind of copy they come up with. (Just don’t tell Derek.) See how that works for a couple months. Then come back when you’re ready. 

Oh wow hey a couple months went by real quick. Stacy’s tired and needs to get her actual job done, and you haven’t noticed an increase in clicks, traffic, sales, money, or robot intelligence. 

Don’t worry, I’m still here. And I’ve only gotten better at my job (making you money). 

When you’re ready to see that profit for yourself, contact me and invest in the power of really good words, man. You’ll be glad you did. 

Now give Stacy a vacation, then go and take a vacation yourself. I’ve got you covered.

Meet your wild, witty copywriter

Is it weird to call myself witty? I guess I already did, so let’s roll with it. 

Hi, I’m Simona. I write for a living and I live for rock climbing. I’ve got a bit of an oddball life and a rotation of mottos such as: 

  • There are no rules in this silly little life

  • Be like fire and rest while changing

  • I should have changed my socks this morning. 

A woman with sunglasses, piercings and a hat stands in front of an open air cactus shop.

Due to this oddball affliction, I have scattered interests and have never gotten around to using my masters degree in public policy. Instead, I love writing copy about lots of things, including: 

  • The great outdoors 

  • Sustainability 

  • Sexual health 

  • International living/travel

  • Coaching and consulting 

The list goes on. I love research, I love learning new things, I love sharing my newfound knowledge in a fun, accessible way so anyone anywhere can learn, too.  

When it comes to new topics, new projects, new things to write, I say: when the wind blows, that’s where I goes. (That’s a good one– I’m adding it to my list of mottos now.) If you’re interested in me putting my brain on your copy, keep reading and contact me below.

A woman stands with two large crashpads on her back, the sun shining behind her.

Gimme gimme quirky witty

Phew, you’ve made it this far. Congrats! Make sure to give yourself a treat.

If you’ve liked what you’ve read so far, then we will be friends. And if you’re interested in using my writing, fill out my quick and easy contact form.

The form only takes a minute or two and is painless, I swear. I’ll follow up within 48 hours, because time is precious, my darlings! I’ll shoot out a host of questions to diagnose your copywriting needs, we’ll go over the nitty gritty, and make sure we’re a good fit. 

If the stars are aligned (which usually they are, depending on how you draw the line), then we’ll have a formal call to dig into them deets. Then I’m off writing.

I’m good on deadlines, and I include one round of edits to make sure we get your words sounding right. 

Psyched? Me, too. Aw heck yeah. Let’s do this.

12 eggs face northwest on a plain orange background.

Ready to get you some of that not-boring copy?

Contact me quick then go eat a snick.